Sports

Wade Boggs to Open Bar in Boston's Seaport

Wade Boggs to Open Bar in Boston’s Seaport

In honor of his storied baseball career in Boston with the Red Sox, as well as his well-known love of chicken and beer, Hall of Famer Wade Boggs is opening Third Base Wade’s in Boston seaport, right across from Jerry Remy’s Seaport location. Boggs himself used to drunkenly frequent Cheers with Jerry Remy in frustration every year after Boston failed to make the playoffs when the two played together towards the end of Remy’s career. Sources close to Boggs say that he believes the bar would be welcome in the community.

Early press releases for Third Base Wade’s boast that the new bar will have a full selection of Boggs’ favorite meals, chicken and beer. It seems they will serve only chicken dishes and a healthy variety of beer on tap. The Special is called “The Clean Up” which includes three whole chickens and 33 domestic 12oz beers. Perhaps the name is inspired by the vomit anyone not named Wade Boggs would produce after eating such a meal.

Boston Mayor Marty Walsh hopes that tourists from outside Boston will not actively be spat upon and beaten if they wear their Yankees hats and jerseys. “While Wade Boggs was a huge part of the late 80s and early 90s Red Sox, he did win with, and retire as a Yankee. But I can forgive that and hope fellow Bostonians do as well. Bill Buckner can’t open a bar in Boston though, fuck him, I hope they spit in his food everywhere he goes.” A visibly angry Walsh screamed belligerently.

Boggs himself has been seen actively creating dishes for the new bar. In a recent interview with WCVB, Boggs says that he got a great deal of inspiration from his days at Fenway Park.

“I grew into a huge love of chicken during my time in Boston.” Boggs said. “I mean, I loved chicken as a child, but all those hours spent at third base smelling my own mustache full of heated, sweaty chicken grease just solidified it for me. I kept telling myself – as soon as we take a World Series, I’m going to retire and bring this beautiful smell to the world. Unfortunately, we never made it, so I had to spend the better part of two decades smelling my chicken mustache and dreaming.”

“But since the Red Sox won the series, even though I had nothing to do with it, well we’re here now, and that’s all that matters.”

Opening day for Third Base Wade’s is set to coincide with opening day for the Boston Red Sox in 2017. However, there is a rumor that Travis Shaw will not be allowed inside of the bar until he’s able to drink over 100 beers during a cross country flight then go and bat a perfect game. When asked about this rumor, Boggs was uncharacteristically reserved.

“I’m not going to say that he can’t come here,” Boggs said. “However, I’m also not going to say that he deserves to be in the presence of God before he fucking proves himself to me. I mean, he had the example. What the fuck?”

Shaw laughed it off and said, “It’s just third basemen humor. Do we have chicken in Boston? Yeah, we got chicken in Boston. Ok, off to hit a perfect game!”

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