A Voodoo curse directed at presidential hopeful Donald Trump has allegedly shrunk his head – and the resulting fervor has threatened to increase his lead in the latest polls.
Trump’s goodwill tour of Haiti recently spiraled out of control when the Republican told reporters in Port-au-Prince that he wouldn’t hesitate to deport Bondye – the Voodoo religion’s Supreme Creator – if he/she/it immigrated to the United States illegally. Sources say that the handful of reporters present were taken aback by the brash display from the outspoken real estate magnate and former TV personality. When provided an opportunity to clarify his remarks, Trump refused to back down from the statement.
“If I were president, Bondye would be fired, plain and simple,” declared Trump, pointed his thumbs at his chest triumphantly. “I only know of one Supreme Creator, and he built the Trump Taj Mahal.”
Soon, rumors of an impending curse spread throughout the city like wildfire. While Trump’s team on the ground refused to comment on reports that the candidate’s head has indeed shrunk to one-fifth of its normal size, eyewitness accounts from outside of his hotel have reported that a man of Trump’s body type entered the premises earlier this afternoon. According to those accounts, the man was wearing a dark suit, a red “Make America Great Again” hat, and a ridiculous orange-haired toupee that enveloped almost the entirety of his cranium.
Although Americans are eagerly anticipating Trump’s tiny-head debut, it remains to be seen how, if at all, the curse would affect Trump’s presidential campaign. Alleged photographic proof of the candidate’s comically-undersized head has already been posted on social media, although Trump has not yet been positively identified. Still, that hasn’t stopped interested parties from speculating about his condition, which has been breathlessly chronicled by http://tinyfacetrump.tumblr.com/. Since the reports have emerged, a fan page has been created at https://www.facebook.com/TinyFaceTrump.
Fellow Republican challenger and retired neurosurgeon Ben Carson has even joined in on the rampant speculation. In a since-deleted tweet, Carson stated that in his expert opinion, “Trump’s skull would still have more than enough room for his brain, even at one-fifth of its normal size.”
Jeb Bush wants to remind us his brother kept us safe from voodoo, and he will also.
Stay tuned for more details.