Politics

Video Shows Donald Trump Using Copious Amounts of Cocaine

Video Shows Donald Trump Using Copious Amounts of Cocaine

Nestled away in a “Make America Great Again” trucker cap, a gram of uncut cocaine awaited Mr. Trump in video leak.

Donald Trump has claimed to know more about money than global bankers and more about science than scientists in the past… but he recently confirmed that he knows more about cocaine than a seasoned drug mule in a recent video leak.

In this exclusive cellphone video, it opens with Mr. Trump alone in a janitor closet removing his trucker cap to expose a small sandwich bag of uncut cocaine. Dipping his wet finger into the bag of coke, Mr. Trump runs his cocaine-laden index finger across his gums and mumbles statements to a mop such as:

“You’d think someone mentioned my name considering how dry this cocaine is… kinda like what my name does to a woman’s down there or whatever that is. This isn’t Trump cocaine. I demand Trump cocaine quality!”

“In my heyday my nickname was ‘Donald Bump’. Like my first name, then a play on words with my last name and the act of snorting a cocaine bump. Do you think I should pitch name ideas to Jimmy Fallon?”

“My favorite rom-com is American Psycho HOLYSHITMYHEARTISONFIRE.”

After holding conversation with a mop and a solid minute of firing his nose for bleeding during the bender, Trump opens a suitcase with bricks of Donald Trump cocaine (wrapped in Mexican newspapers) before the Donald Trump cocaine video abruptly ends.

Better known to the rest of the world as “the living, breathing caricature of a businessman who’d inadvertently get the United States nuked with a single Tweet”, Donald Trump claimed Rosie O’Donnell may have been behind the video leak. “She’s sneaky… that Rosie” Trump stated with a slice of pizza and a turd emoji in a Twitter status. O’Donnell released no statement or knowledge of the event, but she has been confirmed to be thrown under the bus before by Mr. Trump in efforts to save himself from… himself.

Amazingly enough, Trump’s political following was not deterred by the video leak. His following continued to blindly rally behind their idea of the truth as opposed to the definition of the truth. The truth being the collateral damage of a man’s words versus his actions. A man who outsources his clothing company jobs to China… and buys his cocaine from Mexico, though El Chapo has cut him off, others are happy to supply him as money does talk in America!

Here’s a link to the video of Donald Trump using cocaine. Does it change your opinion of him? ¬†https://goo.gl/Pte9Mt

With all his crazy behavior maybe Donald Trump isn’t really running for President? Is he planning on marketing a Donald Trump Cocaine product?